A Few Thoughts from the First Dog


It’s a dog’s life was surely penned by some mongrel mutt, sniffing the butt of a registered poodle in the park or a yellow cur leaving a relic on the courthouse lawn. When you’re a Heinz 57 no one has expectations of you, cares about you or pays any attention to you. You can tear holes in the neighbors trash bag and dine on week old delicacies and when you’re done, roll contentedly in a pile left from the mutt three doors down. No one cares if your name is “Square”, “Pooter”, “Barfie” or “Dammit”.
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But when you’re the damn First Dog with a pedigree longer than most Ivy League college Presidents and have an address of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, it’s a lousy life. I couldn’t even get a dog’s name. Any dog across the street with the name of “Bo” is named “Bo” because “Bo” is “Bo”. Period! I’m named “Bo” because of some family great uncle “Diddlie”. Well, hey, that bites! If I was a mutt, enjoying the real dog’s life they’d name me after great Uncle Barney who was the town “alkie” and name me “Moonshine” or “Boozer”.
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I can’t even take crap without being chained to a Secret Service agent, spied on by twelve security cameras and followed by twenty two reporters. You try take a crap with an audience of millions and see if you smile about a dog’s life! When I’m done they don’t let me sniff it or roll in it. I’m lucky if I even get a chance to scratch around it.
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Then, they send me to obedience school. Hell, I was born with better behaviors than Chris Medlock, Sally Kern or Anna Falling. I’m groomed more often than Tom Colburn, combed better than Newt Gingrich and shampooed more often than Jim Inhofe. God knows I smell better than Sean Hannity and unlike Rush Limbaugh, have never been a drug addict.
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And this is a dog’s life? I want to hike my leg on the FOX News van, howl at James Dobson and everyone knows Sarah Palin still needs a good bite in the ass (but I know she’d bite me back.) But no, they chain me to the Secret Service agent, I wag my tail and run in a prescribed path. I have to pose for the cameras, posture for the media and God help me if I just once broke away and buried a bone in the White House Rose Garden. I’d probably find one of Dubya’s Weapons of Mass Destruction.
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Neutered at six months and house broken. It’s not like I shot my best friend on a hunting trip or tried to sell a Senatorial seat. Why weren’t THEY neutered?!?! And as for house broken, I hear Representative Sullivan from Oklahoma isn’t doing so good in that category? I’m sorry but this “dog’s life” thing is lost on me. Let me dig for a while a find the liberties buried by Dubya or the integrity buried by Mark Sanford. (Now there’s one to neuter!) I want to run on the Mall with Republican dogs, Democrat dogs and Ralph Nader. I want to eat an Easter egg, dig up tomatoes in the Presidential garden and go to Oklahoma to bite Randy Brogdon.
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But I aim to get them back. You think it raised some eyebrows when Michelle patted the Queen on her back. Just wait til the old lady visits the White House. I’ll be the only one on this side of “The Big Pond” who has ever looked up the Queen Mother’s skirt. And I won’t tell any of you if she’s really the queen or a king in drag.

Look Who's Running

for

State Supt. of Education

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The rumor mills are cranking out possible GOP candidates for State Supt. of Education as the righteous party of discarded ideas seeks to reclaim Oklahoma education from the liberal dark side of godless sinners, homosexuals and other American-hating Democrats.

1. Sally Kern, America's favorite pick to term limit out of the human race would naturally have every student supplied with a handgun, require every student to take a class on how to identify homosexuals and grant a graduation diploma in exchange for their signature on her God Bless Evangelical Christian Fundamentalist Pledge. No need for any text books other than the King James Version of the Bible (with the dirty parts in Esther, Genesis, and Song of Solomon removed.)
2. Jim Inhofe, leading proponent of the deportation of all scientists, has a plan to reduce education expenditures by millions through the elimination of science from all school curriculum. Reading texts will be supplied by the John Birch Society and history curriculum by the National Rifle Association. High school seniors who score well on final exams will be taken on fun-in-the-sun swimming outings on the growing hot springs at what used to be the Polar Ice Cap.
3. Sarah Palin, another GOP money-saver could return big bucks to the State's coffers by resigning half-way into her term citing the reason that she did not want to be a lame-brain, er... duck, er duck-brain, oh, quack. Yes, quack and that brings us right back to Sarah Six-Pack. Her sex education program could consist of a 17 second commercial at the end of the morning prayer over the school intercom. "Amen. Just say, No. And only sleep with your partner in your mother's house where you won't have sex, but if you get pregnant, we'll call it an Immaculate Deception and tell everyone how much in love you are and are going to get married until AFTER the election." Students would be home schooled and when asked questions on a state examinations, taught to avoid answering them and just saying the questions were just proof that the tests were given to humiliate them in front of the liberal media.
4. Ginger Tenney, biggest savings ever to the state. Rewrite the state constitution to allow every district superintendent to own teachers as chattel property, eliminate all healthcare and benefits, force teachers to live in school buildings, bunk in locker rooms and be given food stamps and WalMart coupons instead of salaries. She will stand staunchly for teacher rights (the right to serve without pay, the right to return to the 80 hour work week, the right to relinquish all responsibility for or time spent with their families.) Having written the book on speaking out of both sides of your mouth, she will save additional state dollars by being able to speak to several groups at one time.

Democrats could not be contacted for comment as they were too busy trying to figure out how, with such a field of opponents, to let this golden opportunity slip through their fingers.

Cheerleading...Yea, Right!

Cheer "Leading" ?

Back in the day when I dressed in my slacks and button-down shirt and attended the football game with Horace Mann and Red Grange, there were uniformed classmates who stood on the sidelines with megaphones to lead the fans in organized cheers. They pepped us up for the action on the field, they knew the score of the game, what cheer to call and it correlated with the progress of the contest.

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Push 'em back, Push 'em back. Waaaaaaaaaaaay back. (We were on defense.)

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Through that line. Through that line. (We were on offense.)

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Hi-dee, hi-dee, hi-dee hi. Ho-dee, ho-dee, ho-dee ho. We're the gang from Wheaton. And we're ready to go. Now Glenbard is rough and Glenbard is tough. They can beat anybody, but they can't beat us. (Before the game has started.)

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Lean to the left. (And we would)

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Now cheerleading has as much to do with leading cheers as an "Escourt Service" does with escourting. Cheerleading in a multi-gabillion dollar industry aimed at who can perform the wildest gymnastics possible while showing as much of little girl's breasts and crotch as possible. Cheerleaders have no idea what the score (of the game) is, they throw pom-poms around like the Paris Follies Bergere and put on a perfomance to music that has no more to do with the athletic contest than virgin has to do with Virgin Islands. High school cheerleaders are racking up injuries equal to the football players and their folks are spending enough money to pull third world countries out of our current recession. It's not their fault, it's what the market wants.

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I'm not advocating that we change what the current cheerleaders do. Ain't no one this side of the Pearly Gates gonna do that. I'm not sure anyone the OTHER side of the Pearly Gates can do that. But I do suggest we change the lable to more aptly fit the activity. Let's just call them the rich-assed little titty-boom gymnastic exhibitionists and then start a new thing where uniformed and covered students lead the spectators in cheers to pep up the fans in the stands and the team on the field.

MEMO

To: President Obama

From: Dr. Death

Subject: Job Application

Dear Mr. President,

After listening to the crystal clear logic of that intellectual bar-setter, The Wasilla Wackjob, I have come to realize that you want to kill old people with your government healthcare. While you may not be as efficient as Dubya when he killed truckloads of people in Iraq with his government army, I think you can do one helluva job if you hire people with my experience.

See, I was instrumental in murdering both of my parents and my grandmother! I talked with each of them by the hour as they expressed their adamant conviction that no one was to take any life lengthening measures as they entered their final, terminal battles with cancer. I helped secure the necessary documents, gave orders to the doctors and made sure their wishes were carried out.

If I hadn't been there, and they had been without families, like people who may be on your government healthcare, the doctors could have lengthened their pain, agony and suffering many, many months. They could have had scores of medical procedures and surgeries that could have forced them to suffer untold hours of horrible pain and what is better, would have stripped from them every last vestige of human dignity.

Because of my cold-blooded, murdering, evil spirit, I allowed them their life-long wishes to face death on their own terms.

You need people like me on your death squads to assist those suffering from terminal illnesses, without the aid of friend or family to discern their desires and protect their last wishes, as they face death. I can help murder, murder, murder - just like I did to the people whom I loved more deeply than loved myself.

You da murderin-man!!!!

Dr. Ballard

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Right Words

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Right Track Record

.

Right Direction

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But Will He Survive The TPS Meat Grinder?

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Dr. Ballard:

• Says teachers are the key to successful student academic progress -We've heard that before.
• Says principals are the key to a successful building - We've heard that before.
• Says TCTA has been a source of reliable information - Haven't heard that before.
• Meets regularly with TCTA/OEA Reps - Only Dr. Sawyer tried that.
• Publicly compliments TCTA for their assistance to the District - That's a first.
• Knows TCTA and OEA Reps personally - That's a first.
• Does not hate teachers' unions - That's a first.
• Was once an OEA organizer - That's a first.
• Says under-performing principals will be removed - We've heard that before.
• Has a proven track record of cooperation with teachers' unions - That's a first.
• Has reorganized the ESC - That happens every year in TPS.
• Says he wants a new, fairer way of evaluating teachers - If only!!!!!
• Says TPS isn't going to continue to shove every program d' jour down our throats and up our butts - This will be a first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Call me Charlie Brown. Call me gullible for thinking that THIS time Lucy won't yank away the football at the last minute. Call me late to lunch. But I'm willing to give Dr. Ballard a shot at the infamous ESC/School Board meat grinder. A mega-million dollar meat grinder that underpays teachers, overpays all those mystery people in hidden cubicles, buys and trains personnel for programs that it knows won't work, stabs employees in the back and then wrings its hands wondering why we don't trust them.

We can hope against hope that Dr. Ballard will succeed as he has in the past. If he doesn't God help us - every one!

THE TIMES, THEY ARE A CHANGIN'!!

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Code of Student Conduct Replaced

by

More Student Friendly, Non-Punitive

"BEHAVIOR RESPONSE PLAN"

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I'm a dean. I'm from the Old School. In fact my school is so old that I used to believe that when Johnny or Suzie stood up and said to the teacher, "F_ _ _ You! I don't have to put up with none a your s_ _ _!" they should be sent home. It might not change their attitude or the fact that they heard the same vulgarities from their parents' lips. It did say, "School is a place where you treat the staff with respect, or you don't stay in school." I am fortunate enough to work in a school where the principal agrees that students who cursed teachers were sent home. The Code of Student Conduct said that if you cursed the teacher, the act was grounds for suspension. It is not a perfect school. But it is, or I should say WAS a respectful school. You cursed the teacher, you went home.

. . .

Ah, me. But that was so old school. So punitive. So disrespectful of Johnny's right to express his feelings. We certainly don't want to disrespect Johnny's feelings, so we introduce (with soft music in the background) "The Behavior Response Plan" with four Tiers of Responses to Johnny's cursing, disrespect, disorderly conduct or assault. And now, ladies and gentlemen:

"Behaving in a rude, profane or vulgar, and/or impertinent manner toward school personnel" [Violation #108] is a Tier # One Behavior.

According to the new Behavior Response Plan, Johnny may receive:

• A Warning,
• A review of Community living skills,
• A conference,
• Modifications in his contract,
• Counseling,
• A Behavior-Support/Modification Plan - with consequences.

Johnny is NOT to be suspended. And what, pray tell, are the "consequences"? Lunch detention? Counseling? A conference? Or, maybe a. . . a. . .Oh, no. . .Don't say it. . .A warning!!!!!!!!

You want to give a 5 year old a warning? Go ahead. But when 16 year old Johnny tells Ms. Third Block Teacher, "F_ _ _ _ You! I don't have to put up with none a your S_ _ _!!" just what kinda warning ya think is going to change that behavior? Perhaps the old school warning, "If it happens again, you'll be suspended for 10 days instead of 5 days." It is amazing the impact that had on most offenders. I could count on one hand the ones who came back for 10 days.

It was strong statement to the other students. It did impact the classroom climate. But it's out with the Code, in with the Behavior Response Plan. Out with suspension and in with the conference, warning and review of the Life Skills. Somehow I'm not feeling real optimistic.

But I'm from the old school.

And the times they are a changin'!

(Guess I better go change my drawers.)

Newest Rumor From TPS!!!!!!!

The Voice from Left Field has heard the same rumor for three weeks:

THE NEW POWERSCHOOL "MAINFRAME PROGRAM" IS NOT

I REPEAT

NOT

DESIGNED FOR A SCHOOL SYSTEM

AS LARGE AS TPS!!!

Now I would ordinarily ignore this and not pass it along, but come on folks, this IS Tulsa Public. And when was the last time we undertook a new program that wasn't flawed from before the start? Gradespeed, STARS, Gradebook, TAC/Boot Camp, need we go on? In my first training class I asked if this thing would really work or if it was another "Titanic" (much ballyhooed and doomed to failure). The evasive answer I received was my first red flag.

Next red flag came when I went to three additional training sessions and the system would still not let us schedule students.

Next red flag: Teachers are asked to log in early because they don't want to "overload the system' on the first day. Excuse me, what happens when we go to school the second day?.

Next red flag: I have received almost a dozen emails from ISS saying Powerschool isn't working/Powerschool is working again/Powerschool isn't working/Powerschool is working again/Powerschool isn't working/ Powerschool is working again.........

Goodness knows we hope this rumor is false and The Voice from Left Field is 100% wrong, but it wouldn't be the first time.

Also, hope everyone is getting ready to brown-nose, kiss-keester and suck-up to their principals with the new Gates merit-pay plan. When was the last time an incompetent principal was required to change a completely bogus evaluation for you or a co-teacher? Ever get an evaluation dated on a day when the principal wasn't even in the building or school was not insession? Ever have a principal who manufactured a low evaluation out of thin air? And these are the ones who will be evaluating us for our merit raises!!!!!! For myself, I have an incredible principal who evaluates honestly and fairly - unfortunatly we all know principals who are not so professional, the kind who give you commendables when they like you, but when they don't............

But, what the Hell do I know? I'm just the voice from Left Field.

Clinton Chases Women Around the Globe

Unashamed of past dalliances with attractive young members of the opposite sex, former President Bill Clinton arranged a secret Korean rendezvous with Laura Ling and Euna Lee. With brazen assistance from Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, he callously ignored the glaring conflict of interest by utilizing nepotistic ties with his wife. Furthermore, in abandoning the patriotic hardline of "The Dubya" which had successfully destroyed talks of normalization between Korea and the United States, Clinton's philandering threatens to reopen talks between the two countries. After eight years of trademark Bush foreigh policy that had brought Korean relations to threats of war and the launching of potential nukie-bearing missles, Clinton's characteristic womanizing has brought the two sides back to the dangerous point of talking through their differences.

Where are the war mongering hawks when we need them? How long will we stand for the moral disintegraton of this country? Will Mr. Clinton, Mr. Gore and President Obama be brought to task for arranging this release of two evil agents charged by the Koreans for the "commission of unspecified criminal acts." Will Bill Clinton ever admit the same of his woman-chasing behavior?

ALert! Alert! Alert!

To any and all of the Tulsa Public School, Deans, Counselors, Librarian, Nurses, Special Ed Teachers, or teachers teaching any of hundreds of courses not evaluated by state tests, The Voice From Left Field recommends that you request/attend staff development in Brown Nosing 1013 or Advanced Principal Keester-Kissing so that you can get in on those much balley-hooed bonuses offered by the Gates mega-millions.

Since merit pay is the new benchmark in TPS, and you don't qualify for bonuses unless you get GREAT evaluations, you better learn to play the new game by the new rules. Kiss Up, Kiss Keester and get in line for the small percentage of those who will get it. Like Cash-For-Clunkers, the bucks at VERY BEST, are limited. Get on board, get on your knees and get kissing!!!!!!

Remember you heard it first from Left Field.

"Are we blogging yet?" Jewel, Jewel of the Nile

This is a test. For the next thirty-seven words, this blog will be conducting a test. If it had been a real blog, it would have given you your opinion on something. This is only a test. You may now go to sleep. I am.