Look Who's Running

for

State Supt. of Education

*

The rumor mills are cranking out possible GOP candidates for State Supt. of Education as the righteous party of discarded ideas seeks to reclaim Oklahoma education from the liberal dark side of godless sinners, homosexuals and other American-hating Democrats.

1. Sally Kern, America's favorite pick to term limit out of the human race would naturally have every student supplied with a handgun, require every student to take a class on how to identify homosexuals and grant a graduation diploma in exchange for their signature on her God Bless Evangelical Christian Fundamentalist Pledge. No need for any text books other than the King James Version of the Bible (with the dirty parts in Esther, Genesis, and Song of Solomon removed.)
2. Jim Inhofe, leading proponent of the deportation of all scientists, has a plan to reduce education expenditures by millions through the elimination of science from all school curriculum. Reading texts will be supplied by the John Birch Society and history curriculum by the National Rifle Association. High school seniors who score well on final exams will be taken on fun-in-the-sun swimming outings on the growing hot springs at what used to be the Polar Ice Cap.
3. Sarah Palin, another GOP money-saver could return big bucks to the State's coffers by resigning half-way into her term citing the reason that she did not want to be a lame-brain, er... duck, er duck-brain, oh, quack. Yes, quack and that brings us right back to Sarah Six-Pack. Her sex education program could consist of a 17 second commercial at the end of the morning prayer over the school intercom. "Amen. Just say, No. And only sleep with your partner in your mother's house where you won't have sex, but if you get pregnant, we'll call it an Immaculate Deception and tell everyone how much in love you are and are going to get married until AFTER the election." Students would be home schooled and when asked questions on a state examinations, taught to avoid answering them and just saying the questions were just proof that the tests were given to humiliate them in front of the liberal media.
4. Ginger Tenney, biggest savings ever to the state. Rewrite the state constitution to allow every district superintendent to own teachers as chattel property, eliminate all healthcare and benefits, force teachers to live in school buildings, bunk in locker rooms and be given food stamps and WalMart coupons instead of salaries. She will stand staunchly for teacher rights (the right to serve without pay, the right to return to the 80 hour work week, the right to relinquish all responsibility for or time spent with their families.) Having written the book on speaking out of both sides of your mouth, she will save additional state dollars by being able to speak to several groups at one time.

Democrats could not be contacted for comment as they were too busy trying to figure out how, with such a field of opponents, to let this golden opportunity slip through their fingers.